


Why Him?

by FrancescaOwens1



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/F, F/M, Kid Poe Dameron, kid ben solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 12:18:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14308473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrancescaOwens1/pseuds/FrancescaOwens1
Summary: Based on @nazemova’s modern au Star Wars post. https://nazemova.tumblr.com/post/172204729635/modern-au-idea-that-i-need-stat-han-leaves-leiaHan leaves Leia because Ben is a troubled kid with a lot of problems-After, Leia meets Amilyn Holdo and they fall in love, though Ben is still really upset and doesn’t like her because she not Han.Holdo respects that and is a fan-fucking-tastic parent that Ben eventually ends up loving almost as much as Leia.Ben still has a lot of mental health problems and ends up in hospital over them when he’s in his 20’s. Leia is out of the country so Amilyn makes sure to visit as often as she can to make sure he doesn’t feel like he’s alone. (What Ben finds really hard is not punching his doctor when he says that his problems are rooted in the fact that he has two moms and no father)-Leia and Amilyn eventually get married when same-sex marriage is legalised and everyone lives happy ever after.BONUS: Han comes back on Ben’s 18th birthday to apologise for walking out and even though Ben doesn’t forgive him (he’s stubborn and hurt), Leia does and they stay really good friends.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Probably has more Leia x Amilyn and Leia x Han than originally anticipated but I quite like what came out of this.

It started when Ben was about four. It was later than what other parents with children with the same conditions had told them. But in Leia’s eyes it wasn’t late enough. 

That was probably a horrible thing to say. But she couldn’t help it. After Han had left, it got so much harder. She didn’t resent her son, or even, deep down, her ex. It was neither of their faults. It was no one’s fault. 

But for Ben to go from the grumpy but curious little bundle she had held in her arms mere moments after the cord was cut, to a toddler whose tantrums were far longer than other children’s, to a child who smashed things and shouted whenever things didn’t go his way. That, Leia felt, was probably unfair. 

She was listening to the doctors. She really was.

To the psychologists, the therapists, the specialists. The people who told her that Ben’s conditions didn’t and wouldn’t define him as he got older. That they could help with his outbursts. That all she could do was love and support him, as she already did. Well that, and make sure he got his medication and attended his appointments on time. 

Then, eventually, when Amilyn came into her life - Sweet, wild, Amilyn. Who had simply smiled, more like beamed, and offered Ben her hand to shake the second he walked into the front room to meet his mum’s new ‘friend’ - she listened to her too. Listened to the reassurances that the other woman’s cousin had been like Ben. Had struggled with his temper, and judging other people’s emotions, and talking to people. Her reassurances that it would be alright.

“Had been?”Leia had asked one night when they were sat in bed. Amilyn using one hand to scroll through sites on her tablet, the other to run her fingers through Leia’s hair. With Leia laying against the now purple haired woman’s chest and listening about yet another story of Amilyn’s troubled cousin.”

“Sorry, love?” The hand in her hair had stopped at that. The tablet being lowered to the bed as Amilyn turned to look her in the eyes. Giving her, as always, her full attention. Despite being interrupted rudely in the middle of her story. 

“You said your cousin had been troubled. Like Ben. That he had been. What happened?” Leia asked. Her hands grasping into the electric blue t-shirt Amilyn was wearing. Grasping on like the feel of the material and the answer she would hear were the only things keeping her grounded. The only thing keeping her sane in that moment. 

However, the other woman’s silence, so different to the easy flow of words that normally occurred between them, and the almost regretful look in her eyes had spoke volumes. 

Leia was almost glad she didn’t know what actually had happened. 

But despite all that love. All that reassurance. All that support. It didn’t stop her missing the way Ben’s eyes lit up when he smiled. Or the way he would cling onto her leg whenever she would walk him to nursery. Telling him to go play with that boy in the corner, the one they said was called Poe? She couldn’t remember if that was the child’s name. Or the sound of his laughter when Han, the few times he was actually there, would chase him around the gardens. 

She felt it was terribly unfair. But then again what had the universe ever done to treat her fairly?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han leaves and leia meets her future wife.

After Han left, nearly five years after Ben got his diagnosis, leia had felt empty. 

Her husband’s work had meant he was always busy. Away for this reason or that. He tried to call when he had the time, but that was rare enough. The best times were the ones after the job was finished and leia would come home from collecting Ben from the school run to find that old junk heap of a car waiting in the driveway. 

On a good day, Ben would gasp with happiness, throw the car door open the second that child lock was off, and bolt up the driveway, through the door and shouting ‘Dad!’ loud enough that leia could hear him as she got out of the driver’s seat. 

On a good day, she would make it to the entrance hall in time to see Han running his hand through Ben constantly shaggy locks and scuffing it up enough to make him laugh before pushing the hand away. 

On a good day she would walk over to Han, kiss him, ask how his day was, get a short but sufficient reply, tell him about her own day, about which of the prats at the office was pissing her off the most and then move to the kitchen to begin making.

But on a bad day. Ben would sulk in the car until leia nearly had to drag him out by his collar. Complaining the entire way inside because ‘why couldn’t dad be home today.’ and ‘I want him to bring Chewie home with him, why couldn’t he bring him home and then go back to work afterwards’ and ‘you like the other kids more than me. I hate you. I hate you and I hate dad and I hate uncle Luke.’ 

On a bad day leia would have to shout at him to come downstairs for dinner. Would have to make him turn his music down because if he couldn’t hear when she’s shouting, it’s too loud for his ears. Would have to sit awake downstairs till much later than she had planned, making sure Ben ate all of his food, brushed his teeth, did his homework and actually went to bed because it was a school night. 

On a bad day, Leia would sit at her desk for what felt like hours after he drifted off. Staring at the numbers from her latest report, praying for the digits to sort themselves out so she could get some sleep. She was so tired. 

But the worst day she had yet seen since Luke had told her he was moving away -That no, it wasn’t close enough that she could to drive him. That yes, he would send an address but only once he was settled. The very worst day - was the day Han left.

Ben had had a very bad day at school. Getting into an argument with one of his teachers over why he wasn’t paying attention. He had apparently thrown his stuff over before storming out the room and into the corridor. Only to get into a fight with the Dameron’s boy who had tried to stop him with Ben had almost stormed into a kid nearly half his size in his anger. 

Han had actually been home that day and had been the one to go collect Ben from the Principal’s office. And the one to drive him home. 

But by the time Leia had got home from work. Seeing the curtains open but the lights off and the sound of loud hard music blasting from near Ben’s room. She knew the second she pulled into the driveway that this was going to be a long night.

She had rushed into the house to find all the furniture either tipped over or smashed. Her mother’s favourite vase was in pieces near the mirror. The mirror itself was left in shards and the chairs were on the sides under the table. Han looked redder than she had ever seen him.

“What happened?” She had exclaimed, her bag falling from her shoulder onto the floor next to her. 

“I’m out. I can’t do this anymore leia. He just doesn’t listen to me” Han’s face was red, but his voice sounded low and defeated. His fists were clenched by his sides and she could feel the tension radiating off him from the doorway where she stood.

“What do you mean you can’t?” She wished she could have taken the accusatory tone out of her voice, but she couldn’t help it. It’s not like she ever gave up on Ben. Who the hell did this man think he was. 

“He’s just too much, I’m sorry. I’m going. Don’t call.” He left not long after finishing his sentence. His work bag on his shoulders and wearing that stupid jacket that she had so loved to see him in. Closing, not slamming, the door behind him as he went. 

/

But things had reached a turning point about a year after that. The longest year of her life so far. 

She had been walking through Walmart, the nearest shop to home, grabbing some snacks and food for dinner. Ben had gotten even pickier with age and then even worse after Han had left. So dinner normally ended up being some form of meat with chips. It was probably not the best food for him but it was one of the few whole meals she could get him to eat 

She had been at the doors, ready to push the trolley back to her car and drive home,  
when a voice had made her stop. “Excuse me, Miss? Can I take a minute of your time to talk about rainforests”

She had been so close to walking away then. She was too busy for this kind of crap. She already knew about rainforests. They were disappearing, so what?, so was everything and everyone in her life already.

“Miss?”

“What?!” She snapped, her hands gripping onto the trolley’s bar as she began to look over her shoulder at where the voice had come from. 

She hadn’t expected to freeze as she turned around. Hadn’t expected the woman holding the clipboard in front of her to make her heart stop but skip a beat at the same time.

The first thing that drew her eyes,light blue hair that fell in slight curls around the woman’s face face. A face containing a pair of baby blue eyes highlighted by the same colour shadowed on their lids . With a long nose set angelically in the middle and what seemed to be perfectly red and curved lips. 

She tried to make it not so obvious that she was staring as she did a double take. This woman seemed to be all limbs. Long gangly limbs, that if she had been wearing anything other than the light denim Capri pants and a tie dyed blue crop top, she would have looked pretty elegant. Right now however, leia thought she looked slightly ridiculous. 

“Hi, my name is Amilyn and I was wondering if you had some time to talk about rainforests” and blast, if that tone was not the stuff of Leia’s dreams, she didn’t know what was.


End file.
